Feeling resistance to “good” change? Here’s why & what you can do about it Raise your hand if you know you should be creating regular space in your schedule to focus on inner growth and healing, but when it comes to actually sitting down to tune in and get radically honest with yourself, you feel anxious or stuck and everything in you begins to resist! I hear ya! Oftentimes, we get stopped by internal resistance. But here’s the thing about resistance – the ego always resists change. What this means is that despite a part of you truly wanting to sit down to read, reflect or journal with the aim of deepening your self understanding and developing as a leader, there is another part of you that may see those acts as asking yourself to give up a treasured self-identity. This is because your ego will see any change in identity as a threat – yes, even when moving from an identity that is rooted in limited beliefs to one that is more fulfilled and at ease… your ego only will see threat. As a result of this “perceived threat” your ego will create all sorts of excuses to avoid any risk of change. Some of the most common way’s your ego will disguise its aversion to change is by bringing to mind phrases such as… “ I have so much work to do, I really don’t have time for any inner work” “ I'm tired and this is hard” “ I’d rather watch a movie, I can hold space for myself tomorrow/next week/ next month” “ I’ve never been good at this, there’s probably no point in trying.” All these and more will come to rob you of the joy and freedom that comes from true transformation. But don’t worry, it’s not all bad. I gotchu, you’re not in this alone! Often it’s the things that make us uncomfortable which provide us with the greatest opportunities for insight if we stick with them and break through our resistance. That’s why I want to share with you three tips that have helped me and my clients fight off any resistance to change and begin to look at the resistance in our lives as a sign that “hey, this may be exactly what I need for my healing & growth at this particular moment.” Instigate Changes Daily Affirm The Identity You Desire to Embody Daily Remind Yourself of what Resistance Offers by looking to past examples of positive changes you've made Let’s explore these a bit further… Instigate Small Changes Daily One thing you can do to start getting used to the idea of change is to familiarize yourself with the feeling on a daily basis. These don't need to be large changes ( in fact I HIGHLY suggest you start small, like super small and build upon that change gradually), but when you make the effort to step out of your comfort zone a little each day, you'll start to see life from a different perspective. When you make small changes with consistency, you'll actually be evolving your daily routine and discovering quicker and more efficient ways of doing things. Since you're engaging in small changes, it won't feel as shocking to your ego and the resistance it prompts likely won't be as intense. Application Tip: If journaling daily feels too big of a task because of all your preconceived ideas of what journaling needs to be, you might try recording a voice note with a high, low, and key learning for each day or heck, even buying some stickers and each day placing a sticker to represent how you felt at the beginning/ end of each day. These things can seem super small, boring or irrelevant but it will set you up for a renewed mindset that actually gets excited by the idea of journaling. The key is to begin to get use to some type of self-reflection and if a sticker with a sad face, anxious face or happy face can do the trick, why not give it a try! Affirm The Identity You Desire to Embody Daily If we know that a big part of the resistance ego faces in change is around not wanting to lose a cherished identity, even when that identity does not serve us, then it makes sense to begin to investigate the identities you have of yourself. Maybe you consider yourself the screw up of your family, who can't get anything right… Or maybe you see yourself as someone who is “bad” and undeserving of love…or maybe someone who will always be this way ( Ie. “I’m just someone who has always been quick to react/a loser/ bad with follow through”) Look at the beliefs that arise within each one of the identities you carry and then ask yourself are these really true? A great reframe is to ask yourself the following: “ Do I know this to be 100% true about who I will always be?” It doesn't matter if you feel 99.9% of the time it’s true, if you can't say with 100% certainty that this is how you’ll always be then it's not true and living from a place that believes it’s true wont serve your healing and growth one bit. So once you’ve identified the false truths, you can then affirm what is true and begin to attach that new truth to the identity you’d like to embody more fully. For example, let's say you’re someone who takes things super personally and is often left feeling hurt, betrayed and abused by everyone around you… You’d like to work on your sensitivity level so that others' words or perceived ideas about you won’t rattle your confidence so much. You know that in order to begin this inner work, it requires you to revisit uncomfortable feelings you’ve had and take ownership for the stories you’ve attached to certain things. You signed up for a course to heal your inner mind and live with more freedom but every time you’re supposed to sit down and tackle it, you just can't! Resistance is at its extreme and most times wins the battle, with you ending up in front of the TV rather than your notebook. You’ve recognized that you’ve rooted in a belief that “ this is just how I am and I'll never change.” You've identified this as a false belief because no one truly knows what the future holds. So now it's time to remind yourself of this more regularly by creating an affirmation such as “my opinion of myself is the only one that matters and I choose to daily practice listening to the feelings that come up in my engagements with others and reminding them of the truth.” or “ I can't be in others heads so I cannot have an accurate understanding of how they view me but I can work on how I view myself and I choose to focus my energy there daily.” Remind Yourself What Change Has Brought You At the end of the day, remember all the wonderful new experiences and relationships that change has brought you. We all know that you can’t change something we don't see so remind yourself that resistance is only highlighting areas for your own healing and growth which you can now tackle head on. Specifically as it relates to your own inner growth, try to bring to mind times when it was hard to speak your truth but you did – how did that feel? Maybe scary at first but I bet afterwards a weight was lifted and you began to experience a sense of gratitude and self-empowerment by being true to yourself, rather than abandoning your own needs for the sake of “ keeping the peace. Keep in mind that change is good for you. Since nothing in life is static, you need to make change a normal part of your life. You need to be willing to move yourself forward to reach your ultimate goals. When you do, you'll find that you're happier and more fulfilled in life!

After spending more than a decade helping heart-centered women and global changemakers develop deeper levels of self-awareness, compassion and resilience in order to lead with more purpose and power, I began to notice some patterns to achieving meaningful transformation. I took those patterns and broke them down into an intuitive and easy to implement three step process that you can use to move you closer to becoming your most purposeful, powerful version of self. I call it RDP which stands for Reflect, Discern & Praxis I designed it as an easy to implement three-step process to support you in creating and sustaining growth in all facets of your life – personal, professional, spiritual, you name it. Going hand in hand with the larger spiral model of leadership, which is at the core of how we think about growth and transformation on this journey of Leading Whole, RDP is a process that never ends. Meaning that you’ll continue to gain from it, time and time again, each time you use it to practice being the highest version of yourself. But let’s break each of these steps down a bit. First off, it's no secret that we live in a world that over glorifies productivity and busyness. Because of this we are all often moving at a million miles per hour and what’s worse is that we’re often praised for it. While some say it's this hustle mentality that gets you results, we believe that at the root of any type of larger sustainable impact, we must first learn to slow down and look within. It's from this place of introspection, rather than rapid non stop action, that you can begin to see things more clearly and to see from different vantage points. That’s why we begin with the R for reflect. Reflection is all about information gathering and increasing your ability to see. It’s about slowing down enough to look around at everything happening, examining it with intentionality then beginning to bring the pieces together so you can see them as a whole. For example – say you have a puzzle and there’s tons of pieces scattered about. You normally wouldn't start the puzzle if some pieces were in the kitchen, others in the laundry room and even more under the bed. First you’d bring them all to the table so that you could see what’s there. Then, once you brought everything out, you could look at it more clearly before diving in. That’s what we’re doing as we reflect – bringing all our life events, emotions and experiences to the forefront so we can look at them at the same time. Then we move to D, for Discernment. Because only after we’ve laid everything out on the table, can we begin to explore possible connections. However, unlike a physical puzzle in which we use our eyes to find connections, when it comes to discernment, we must use our whole selves. Discernment is all about tapping into your intuition to holistically make decisions with the support of your inner guide. This takes things one step further than reflection by exploring the new insights birthed while slowing down to examine the whole, in order to begin entertaining possible routes forward. Discernment is vital to walking in wisdom because anyone can have knowledge– they can look at the pieces and say, “Okay, here’s information that I have before me” – but discernment is about turning that information into wisdom you act on. Speaking of things we can act on, let's explore the next part of our process, the P which stands for Praxis. Praxis is a word most often used in spiritual formation circles that simply means acting on one’s learning. Therefore, after you’ve completed the first two steps of reflecting on what’s behind and before you, looking at it all from a variety of angles to distill what it has to teach you, and discovering or discerning where you feel LED, then you must choose to act on that leading, by implementing a way forward. This is where Praxis comes in as a stage all about action, action, and more action. Or better yet let's say practice, practice and more practice, because it truly is about trying something on and learning from that too… Praxis is about inviting yourself to be “in the work” with a sense of radical commitment, fully present to all it has for you. After some time in Praxis you return back to the phase of… Reflect – slowing down to collect data on all that’s happened during your most recent time of Praxis. Then you move to… Discern – taking that information to your highest self to see it from new angles as you explore what lessons are being offered and how you’d like to respond to those teachings. And from here you bring things back to.. Praxis – moving knowledge into wisdom you’re now embodying in your life, through action. Through this process, we believe leaders are moved from a place of surviving to thriving – where reactivity, overwhelm, division and inaction can be transformed into purpose, power, clarity, alignment and impact. And yes, I said, leaders because you, my friend, in case you didn’t know it already, YOU are a leader! You are the leader of your life, with a specific purpose and power that are your responsibility (and privilege) to birth. And that’s something I’m here to help you see and nurture – to discover the truth of who you are and what you have the power to do. It doesn’t matter what title you have or don’t have… It doesn’t matter how charismatic or uncharismatic you are… It doesn’t matter if you tend to be vocal and upfront or more reserved and behind YOU ARE A LEADER. And now more than ever, people are looking for leaders. They’re looking for leaders like you – highly ambitious, heart centered women and world changers who elevate feminine values of authenticity, vulnerability, and collaboration. So here’s to you, as a leader, stepping into the fullness of your unique purpose and power by adopting our three step process of RDP and putting it to use in your life today! I've created a worksheet to accompany this blog, download it for free below! Xo Akwese

One of the Best-Kept Secrets to Happiness: Compassion Strengthening your sense of compassion will make you feel happier. By helping to relieve the suffering of others, you bring joy to your own life. Here are some reasons why compassion matters, as well as practical suggestions. The Importance of Compassion 1. Everyone is interdependent. If you're like most people, you have a hard time even feeding yourself without relying on the efforts of others. After all, do you grow the vegetables, raise the beef, and grow the potatoes? Of course not! We depend on others for many things including our basic needs, health care, and education. 2. Protect yourself from depression. Focusing on helping others is a fast and powerful way to make yourself feel better. Even small acts of kindness promote a healthy sense of self-esteem. 3. Get more perspective on your suffering. It's easy to get caught up in your own experiences. However, when you divert your mind away from your everyday worries, they seem less overwhelming. Broadening your thinking helps you recognize that everyone - not just you - has their own trials and challenges. 4. Lighten common challenges by reaching out to those around you. Difficult times are part of life. Even if some circumstances are beyond your immediate control, you can find relief in assisting others. Support groups for specific concerns provide prime examples of the benefits of joining together to face common issues. How to Practice Compassion 1. Observe suffering. Gradually train yourself to view unpleasant situations with a calm mind. You can start out small by trying to understand a toddler's frustration with expressing their anger in words, or by noticing when a co-worker is getting overwhelmed. 2. Put yourself in the other person's position. It can be difficult to feel compassionate during an argument. Try to take the other person's perspective. Look beyond any feelings of hostility. Seek common ground and opportunities for compromise. 3. Listen respectfully to others. Even if we hold different views, we can listen with an open mind to what others are saying. It's easier to sustain compassion when people feel like they've been treated fairly. 4. Be considerate of others' wishes. Being flexible goes hand in hand with being compassionate. If your top priority is to create a better situation for everybody, you'll be willing to consider alternative approaches instead of sticking to your familiar habits. 5. Focus on other people's good qualities. Often, we naturally feel compassion for people we love. By noticing others' positive attributes, you can extend affectionate feelings toward more people than just your "inner circle." You'll also be able to respond constructively in less comfortable situations. 6. Remind yourself of positive social interactions. If we focus on how our interactions with others are often enjoyable and beneficial, it's easier to feel more considerate of their feelings. Let other people's empathetic gestures inspire you to practice compassion. 7. Offer direct assistance when appropriate. Sometimes you can ask people directly what you can do to be of service. New neighbors may welcome your suggestions for finding their way around your community. 8. Provide indirect comfort when needed. Sometimes it's beneficial to help out more quietly. If someone seems sensitive about a recent breakup, take them out to lunch and just provide them with companionship and a listening ear. Compassion can improve your life and deepen your happiness. When you reach out to others, you feel better about yourself. With these techniques, you can develop the courage to observe suffering and the wisdom to know how to alleviate pain.

Stopping Self-Sabotage: How to Get Out of Your Own Way There’s a lot of truth to the quote, “We have met the enemy, and he is us.” We get in our own way far more than life, other people, or bad luck sabotage our success. We really are our own worst enemy. You'd be amazed by how much easier your life would be if you weren't constantly sabotaging your success. It boggles the mind why we stand in our own way, but we do. Understanding that fact is half the battle to overcoming it. Try these techniques to stop sabotaging yourself: Let go of the past. Mistakes from the past don’t mean that you’re doomed to failure in the future. The past should be used as educational material, not as a predictor of the future. Leave your past in the past and create the future you desire. Avoid talking to yourself unless you’re going to say something nice. You spend too much time saying negative things to yourself. Eventually, you begin to believe them. Such negative input gives you an incorrect opinion of yourself and your capabilities. Ensure that your self-talk is supportive and positive. Notice your habits that sabotage your success. Think about what you want to be successful at and notice your habits that stand in your way. For example, if you want to lose weight, but you eat a bag of chips every time you're stressed, that habit is sabotaging your success. Make a list of all the habits that sabotage your success. Write down all the ways in which those habits inhibit your success. What is the cost of each of those habits? Being aware of the damage these habits cause can make it easier to change them. Define your fear. All self-sabotage is rooted in fear. What exactly are you afraid of? Are you afraid of embarrassing yourself? Are you afraid of finding out that you're not capable? Are you afraid of success? Are you afraid of how people will view you? Understand the basic fear that is causing you to sabotage yourself. Unless you can either get over that fear or remove it, you'll continue to get in your own way. Know your ceiling. Notice how far you can go before you begin sabotaging yourself. For example, perhaps you're stuck at a particular income level. What income level do you get stuck at? If you're trying to lose weight, at what point do you begin sabotaging yourself? We all have a ceiling for each part of our lives. Understand yours and seek to understand why. Identify and change your beliefs. What are the beliefs that stand in your way? For example, do you believe that you're naturally a chubby person that can never get below a certain weight? Do you believe that you can never be a successful writer because you failed high school English? Look at all of your beliefs related to the part of your life you want to be more successful in. Which of those beliefs are getting in your way? Notice the people that get in your way. Sometimes, we allow people into our lives that don't really want the best for us. You'll find that few people are truly interested in seeing you live up to your full potential. Avoid believing that it’s acceptable to allow someone to get in your way. If they choose to be an obstacle, consider removing them from your life. The good news is that easier to control yourself than it is to control others or circumstances outside of yourself. Since you are the source of your challenges, you also have the power to eliminate them. Never underestimate how much you’re standing in your own way!

The Meditative Path to Building Your Confidence You probably know that meditation is an effective way to relax, but it can be used for many other purposes too. If you’re trying to build your confidence, a daily mindfulness practice may help. Self-confidence is an important factor to your overall happiness and success. It makes you feel more motivated and energetic. It helps you to reach your goals. It can even strengthen your relationships and enhance your health. Do you want to feel more sure of yourself and your ability to face life’s challenges? Learn how to use meditation to build your self-esteem and confidence! Using Meditation to Increase Your Awareness Self-doubt can narrow your experiences and opportunities if you shy away from taking risks. Meditation creates a safe space for looking at yourself and your habits with honesty and courage. Try these strategies: Scan your body. Your posture affects your confidence. Start your meditation session by sitting up tall and taking deep breaths. Examine yourself from head to foot, simply noticing how your body feels. Make note of any discomfort. Try squeezing your muscles and then releasing them and allow yourself to experience each sensation. Let go of judgements. Notice your thoughts and feelings without criticizing them. Embrace your strengths and weaknesses, for both have something of value to offer. Challenge your assumptions. Do you cling to outdated beliefs that hold you back? Rewire your thinking by examining your typical reactions and considering more constructive approaches. Make conscious decisions. It’s easy to wind up drifting along on autopilot. Mindfulness practices help you to take charge of your life. Using Meditation to Generate Compassion You may be undermining your self-confidence without even realizing it. Paying attention to your thoughts gives you an opportunity to transform the way you treat yourself. These techniques can help you to be kind to yourself and boost your confidence: Change your self-talk. What does your internal chatter sound like? Replace harsh messages with friendlier feedback. Chant mantras. Reciting uplifting words and phrases is a proven way to stay focused during meditation. Write your own encouraging affirmations or find inspiration in scriptures and self-help books. Nurture yourself. Scheduling daily meditation time is a great way to start investing in your confidence and wellbeing. Make healthy eating, regular exercise, and restorative sleep part of your routine too. Seek support. Childhood memories and other influences can make it difficult to show compassion for yourself. Consider listening to guided meditations or talking with a therapist if you need more assistance. Using Meditation to Accomplish More True confidence comes from within and recognizing your achievements can give you a boost. Meditation teaches you to live more mindfully, and that can help you to excel in your personal and professional life. Consider these tips: Slow down. The stress of rushing around can erode your confidence. You’ll probably accomplish more with less effort as meditation trains you to move more deliberately. Figure out your priorities and shorten your to do list. Take breaks throughout the day to prevent burnout. Express gratitude. Being thankful makes you feel more secure and connected to others. You’ll have the confidence to take worthwhile risks and try new things. Your warm and relaxed attitude will also make it easier to collaborate with others. Keep practicing. Change is usually a gradual process. Be patient with yourself as you build your confidence. Expect some setbacks and evaluate your progress on a regular basis. You’ll probably find that meditating is more productive on some days than others. You’re a success as long as you keep trying. Create balance. Meditation helps you to look at the big picture. As you balance the various aspects of your life, your confidence and peace of mind increase. Meditation can make your confidence soar. When you love and appreciate yourself for who you are, your life becomes richer and more rewarding.

The Secret to Loving Yourself You’re probably familiar with self-help books and talk show hosts who tell you to love yourself, but you may be wondering how to go about that. While your relationship with yourself is the most important connection in your life, it’s easy to forget about nurturing it. However, self-love and compassion are too important to neglect because they shape your experiences and relationships with others. Protect your health and wellbeing by making positive changes in the way you think about and treat yourself. Changing the Way You Think about Yourself Maybe you’re hard on yourself or you’re so busy with external obligations that you rarely consider your personal priorities. Looking inward could help you to value yourself more. These strategies will help you to think more highly of yourself: Accept yourself. Know that you are worthy of love and respect just the way you are at this moment. Embrace yourself with all your strengths and weaknesses. Clarify your purpose. Invent your own definition of success. Ask yourself what a meaningful life means to you, even if that answer changes over time. Talk yourself up. How do you speak to yourself? Choose words that are encouraging and uplifting. Use your internal dialogue to build your confidence and manage your emotions. Offer forgiveness. Let go of the past so that you can move on. Take any decisions that you regret and turn them into opportunities to learn. Make amends where possible and resolve to handle things more constructively in the future. Avoid comparisons. Facebook didn’t invent social comparisons, but social media has increased the potential for envy and inferiority complexes. Try competing with your last performance instead of living up to someone else’s standards. You’ll accomplish more if you dare to be yourself. Think positive. Looking on the bright side and being able to laugh at yourself makes you even more loveable. It also helps you to manage stress and deal with difficult circumstances. Changing the Way You Treat Yourself Do your actions match your beliefs? You might say you love yourself, but your actions could be sending a different message. Try these techniques to treat yourself kinder: Practice self-care. Develop habits that keep your mind and body fit and strong. Go to bed early and exercise each day. Eat a balanced diet and watch your weight. Pick friends wisely. Surround yourself with family and friends who encourage and support you. Cultivate close relationships with others who share your goals. Engage in deep conversations where you can share your feelings and receive validation. Pursue your passions. Identify the activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Block out time each day for something you love, whether it’s a task related to your job or something you do in your leisure time. Set goals. Give yourself something to strive for. Working towards realistic and challenging goals builds your confidence as you add to your achievements. Maintain boundaries. Know your limits so you can define what behavior you consider acceptable. That may include physical boundaries such as needing your own space and psychological boundaries such as being entitled to your own feelings and opinions. Advocate for yourself. Once you understand your needs, you can communicate them to others. You’ll grow more skillful as you practice being direct and tactful in letting someone know if they cross your boundaries. Seek support. Ask for what you need. Let others know specifically what they can do, whether you’re looking for practical assistance like pitching in with housework or just a friendly ear to listen while you sort out your feelings. Loving yourself can help you to enjoy more happiness, overcome challenges, and build healthier relationships with others. Make it a habit to treat yourself with kindness and respect.

Why Your Ego Loves Fear and What You Can Change Are you aware that your ego loves fear? In fact, it thrives on fear, stress, and anxiety. However, holding on to fear prevents you from growing as a person and finding true happiness. But it’s not your ego’s fault. It’s just trying to protect you! So what’s a person to do? Learn more about this surprising revelation: What is the ego? The ego is part of your being. It reacts to the outside world and shapes how you see it. Your ego controls how you view yourself in relation to others. However, it’s important to note that you control this. Notice the ego self-talk. The self-talk can be both positive and negative. You may see the ego come through in statements such as I’m not good enough or smart enough. On the other hand, you may see it in thoughts such as I’m perfect, capable, or beautiful. The ego uses “I” and “me” in these self-talk conversations. Pay attention to fear. Since the ego is connected to the outside world and how you view yourself, fear is a prominent part. You may be afraid to look foolish. You may be scared to do something new. You may fear talking to others. Your ego is fragile, so it can get hurt easily. For example, someone may say something that hurts your feelings. You immediately shut down and don’t want to talk to this person again. This is your ego in action. You’re hurt and scared of hearing them say something negative again. It’s beneficial to recognize the fear, learn to adjust it, and work through it. Understand psychological fear. In some situations, fear is necessary and can preserve you. However, the fear that comes from your ego is psychological and not necessary. Fear of the unknown or being in a dark alley is normal. This is your gut trying to save you from a dangerous situation. On the other hand, fear of talking to a safe crowd at a conference is your ego talking. Psychological fear can be damaging, intrusive, and distracting. It can lead to anger and resentment. Recognize fear and worry. Fear and worry often appear together. Anxiety can lead you to fear and vice versa. The two are linked, so it’s hard to separate them. However, if you recognize that worry is the real issue, then fear won’t have a chance to take over. You can control how much you worry, so fear doesn’t have a chance to stop you. Learn to be present. By learning to be present and observing your fear from a distance, you can control it. Awareness is the key to conquering fear created by the ego. Once you’re aware of how your ego is creating fear and anxiety, then you can observe it and learn to shape it. You have the power to stop the fear in your mind. It’s important to remember that all the negative scenarios in your head don’t have to happen in real life. They can stay as imaginary issues. They may never materialize or cause you heartache. Fear doesn’t have to take over your life.You can learn to control it and be happy.

The Power of Forgiveness We’ve all had times when we’ve been hurt or feel angry toward someone we care about. They may have said something that devastated you or enacted some behavior without thinking, that triggered feelings of frustration and anger. And yet you love them and still want them in your life. When you face moments like these, the wisest and most generative thing to do is to forgive. But forgiving isn't always so easy when moved from theory to practice. Below are a few points about forgiveness to better understand why it’s a powerful quality for you to work on developing: Refusing to forgive others harms you more than the individual you’re upset with. There’s an old saying about poison damaging the vessel in which it’s found and that saying applies here.
You’re not hurting the individual you refuse to forgive nearly as much as you’re damaging yourself. Consider the ongoing hurt feelings you’re compelled to hold on to. 
Forgiving allows you to release the pain. Whenever you say, “I forgive you” to someone and truly mean it, you’re instantly freed from holding on to the grudge. You can now move on and live your life as peacefully as possible. Carrying excess emotional baggage is something to be avoided if at all possible. Most grudges become bigger than we are. They just seem to take over your entire existence. You may convince yourself, “I will push this individual into a little box in my mind and not think about them,” yet, you’ll soon find that to be impossible. Others may bring up the individual’s name or invite them to a party that you’ll be attending. Then, you’re faced with the decision of whether to avoid the individual by cancelling your plans. Grudges grow. And the more you hold on to them, the more time and emotional energy it takes to keep them going. You can decide to be the “bigger” person. You can tell yourself that you’ll forgive because it’s the “right” thing to do or because the Bible says so or for whatever personal reason you believe. When you live by a particular set of morals and values, that little voice inside may insist that you be the one to forgive. Listen to it. Forgiveness bears many fruits. Although you may be unaware, the friend you forgive may realize the true error of their ways and decide to try harder to live a more caring existence. Or they may learn something about forgiving others and apply it in their life. You may also enjoy many more wonderful times and events with those you forgave. Everyone wins when you forgive. When you forgive, you’ll have lower blood pressure. It’s a medically proven fact. Vengeance and resentment flourish in those who refuse to forgive. Would you choose to feel hurt, angry, and resentful or peaceful and happy? Take time to consider your own actions and words during the unsavory event. If you’re struggling to forgive, go over the entire incident in your mind. What did you say? How did you react? How did you end the exchange? After you gain as clear an understanding as possible about what happened, choose to forgive. When you decide to live a more conscious existence, you may have more room to forgive those who upset you. Realizing that forgiveness is in your best interest and the best interest of the other individual involved, you can move forward and re-discover a bright future. The power of forgiveness is within you. Use it for your own greater happiness.

Dealing With Your Mental Chatter We all have a constant companion that never shuts up. The mental chatter in our heads starts when we wake up and is still going when we go to sleep. It’s even active during our dreams. Unfortunately, this never-ending stream of thought can be damaging over time. Fortunately, with understanding and objectivity, the impact of mental chatter can be mitigated. If you’re willing to take control and keep your thoughts positive, mental chatter even be helpful. There are several tactics that you can use to manage your mental chatter: Recognize that brains make noise. Brains generate thoughts the way little dogs bark. It’s just what they do. While your brain can be taught to quiet down to an extent, there’s no way to silence it completely while you’re still breathing. Accept that the nature of your brain is to make noise that only you can hear. That doesn’t mean you have to allow it to control you or affect you. Maintain some distance from your mental chatter. Since you know that your brain is going to generate thoughts regardless of the situation, it’s easy to see that you don’t have to engage with those thoughts. Just allow your mental chatter to pass on by. Avoid grabbing onto any of those stray thoughts and running with them. Just let them go. Meditate daily. Meditation shows you just how noisy your mind can be. It also allows you to practice bringing your mind back to a point of focus. You learn a lot about how your mind works when you meditate. A few minutes a day can make a big difference. Use affirmations. Affirmations are a great way to counteract negative mental chatter. You can’t think about two things at the same time. When any negative thoughts appear, recite your affirmations to yourself. You’ll not only feel a positive boost from the affirmations, but you’ll also avoid the impact of your negative self-talk. Listen to the chatter. Sometimes, the chatter is trying to tell you something important. Consider if there’s a worthwhile message your subconscious is trying to tell you. Maybe your mind is nagging you about remembering to pick up your child after school. Setting an alarm on your phone might be one way to silence the noise. Avoid judging. A good portion of the noise in our head is created by our constant need to judge everyone and everything. Imagine it’s hot outside. It’s okay to just acknowledge that it’s hot. Just allow it to be hot without deciding that it’s good, bad, or requires your additional commentary. Avoid the urge to judge people, places, things, and situations. As an added bonus, the less you judge, the less you’ll worry about being judged by others. Journal. Sometimes it helps to just let it all out. Set aside 10-20 minutes each day and allow your mind to run wild. Write it all down. You’ll be stunned by how varied and nonsensical your thoughts are. It’s also possible to find something worthwhile on occasion, too. Mental chatter is one of the results of having a normal brain. Brains make noise, and they never stop for long. Much of your mental chatter is nothing but random nonsense. Your best bet is to ignore it as well as you can and get on with your life. When you make an effort to think positive thoughts, then your mental chatter is working for you rather than against you.

How to Show Yourself Inner Self Love Self-love is one of the most discussed topics today, be it in self-help books, or inspirational talk shows, it is everywhere. How has all this information helped you digest what self-love is, or has it just overwhelmed you and you don’t know where to start? While your relationship with yourself is the most important connection in your life, it is the easiest to forget about when it comes to nurturing it. It sounds like a lot of work. We are often so busy taking care of everyone and everything else that we forget to take care of ourselves. We often think that self-love is something we only have to do once a week at most, but it actually takes place in the little things we do every day. This blog talks about the different elements of self-love and shows you that you can show yourself some self-love if you just find the right tools. Changing the Way You Think about Yourself Maybe you’re have not given much thought to loving yourself more because you’ve been so busy with external obligations. This tends to happen a lot in our fast-paced world. This is why it helps to look inward and find ways to value yourself more. You could start with giving yourself credit and valuing what you do or finding a way to train yourself to think highly of your accomplishments. At first, it may be difficult, but with the right steps and attitudes, you will be well on your way to having a healthier way of thinking about yourself. How can you value yourself more: Self-acceptance: Accepting yourself for who you are is one way of valuing yourself. Know that you are worthy of love and respect, and embrace yourself with all your strengths and weaknesses. You can learn to accept yourself as you are right now, without needing to change anything. You are whole and complete. You are enough just the way you are. It's okay if you don't have everything figured out. You're perfect just the way you are. Clarify your purpose: Have some level of clarity on your life purpose. We’re all meant to be doing something great, maybe it's helping the poor, or running a business, or developing a product that can make things easier for people, it could be anything. We all have a great purpose that lies in each and every one of us. The question is how clear is your purpose to you? Ask yourself what a meaningful life means to you, even if that answer changes over time. Talk positively to yourself: How do you speak to yourself? If you don't know what you're telling yourself, it'll be hard to change it, If you don't like what you hear when you talk to yourself, it's even harder to change it. In fact, it can be difficult to change anything about yourself if you don't know what you're saying to yourself. Think about your self-talk today, and make a decision to change the negative to positive. You have the power to change the script for your life, and it all begins with changing your self-talk. Remind yourself that you have value by speaking to yourself in encouraging and uplifting words, once you do that, you'll be on the road to loving yourself more. Offer forgiveness: This is an offering of forgiveness to both yourself and others. Show yourself some compassion and let go of the past so that you can move on. Forgiveness is more than just doing something you can live with, it's about living a life that you can be proud of. It's about taking the time to acknowledge your wrongs and working to make amends. Today, I'm happier and better off because I've forgiven. I hope that you're able to forgive others and yourself. Forgiveness is something that takes a lot of emotional courage and strength. It's an important part of living your life with purpose and fulfilment. It's an expression of love and it's an action that can change your life. Avoid comparisons: Comparing yourself to others increases the potential for envy and inferiority complexes. One of the most prominent problems is the tendency to compare oneself with the image of others. Social media makes it easy to compare your body, intellect or your entire life to someone who lives a completely different reality. Comparing yourself to others can be unhealthy for you and will affect the way you value yourself. If you focus on comparing yourself to your own goals and your own comparisons instead, you'll have a better self-judgment and you'll be a lot happier! You’ll accomplish more if you dare to be yourself. Be positive: People generally love to be around positive people, they have a great time when they're in a positive environment. Being positive will not only help you have more friends and a better social life, but you'll also feel good about yourself. In fact, you'll find that you have more time to do the things that you love to do! Also, being able to laugh at yourself and being silly makes you more loveable. See, it's not that hard to be positive! Changing the Way You Treat Yourself Do your actions match your beliefs? You might say you love yourself, but your actions could be sending a different message. Tips on How You Can Treat Yourself with Kindness Practice self-care. Develop habits that keep your mind and body fit and strong. Go to bed early and exercise each day. Eat a balanced diet and watch your weight. Pick friends wisely. Surround yourself with family and friends who encourage and support you. Cultivate close relationships with others who share your goals. Engage in deep conversations where you can share your feelings and receive validation. Pursue your passions. Identify the activities that bring you joy and fulfilment. Block out time each day for something you love, whether it’s a task related to your job or something you do in your leisure time. Set goals. Give yourself something to strive for. Working towards realistic and challenging goals builds your confidence as you add to your achievements. Maintain boundaries. Know your limits so you can define what behaviour you consider acceptable. That may include physical boundaries such as needing your own space and psychological boundaries such as being entitled to your own feelings and opinions. Advocate for yourself. Once you understand your needs, you can communicate them to others. You’ll grow more skilful as you practice being direct and tactful in letting someone know if they cross your boundaries. Seek support. Ask for what you need. Let others know specifically what they can do, whether you’re looking for practical assistance like pitching in with housework or just a friendly ear to listen while you sort out your feelings. Loving yourself can help you to enjoy more happiness, overcome challenges, and build healthier relationships with others. Share with us what you have been doing to treat yourself with kindness and which tip from our list you’ll first try.

How to Can Regain Control Of Your Emotions Emotions can be a tricky thing to control. They have the power to control our actions and we can find that they can sometimes get the better of us. They can overtake us and make us do or say things that we might regret. It is very easy to let our emotions take control of our lives, whether it’s in a positive or in a negative way. I’d like to invite you to look at the different ways that we can gain control of our emotions and how we can stop them from taking control of us. I also explore how we can use these emotions to our advantage. Why is it important to master your emotions? Think about the number of times you’ve acted on emotion alone. What was the outcome of your actions? Having somewhat control over how you react to different situations is one of the most important things an individual can do to improve themselves. It is also an easy way to avoid those cringeworthy moments where you find yourself apologising for rude and inappropriate behavior. Strong emotions not only inhibit your ability to make sound decisions, they can also be damaging to your health. Benefits of having control over your emotions: The ability to control your emotions gives you a significant advantage over people who do not. That's not to say that we'll know everything about managing our emotions, but at least it will be a starting point from where you can begin exploring different options. Knowing how to control your emotions is a big step towards less conflict, greater harmony with others, a way of enjoying more peace and happiness in life. This already sounds like a journey I would embark on. As with most other things, controlling emotions requires some practice and dedication. Things you can do to master your emotions: Be Aware: This is a great step to mastering your emotions. Becoming more aware of your emotions is important. Emotions shut down your logical brain and open you up to fully experiencing whatever has triggered your emotional state. It takes some practice to be able to catch yourself when you notice a quick shift in your emotions. However, it is much easier to put out a small fire than a big one. So, try to catch yourself as quickly as possible. Controlling your emotions and properly managing them is a process, but don't worry, you'll get the hang of it and you'll feel better than ever! Reduce stress. You’ve probably noticed that when you’re stressed, you’re less patient. When your stress levels are higher, you’re more likely to overreact. Curb this by removing yourself from stressful environments and take some time to unplug and enjoy the activities that bring you peace. Explore some activities that relax you and that you enjoy. As long as you're able to find time for yourself to relax, you'll be able to manage everyday stress much better. Exercise. It’s harder to get upset or stressed after a good workout. Regular exercise releases much of the tension in your body and makes it easier to control your emotions throughout the day. While weekly workouts help you release tension and keep stress at bay, it's important to take time to stretch and release more tension. Yoga is an extremely effective method of stress relief that anyone can take advantage of! It will help you improve your daily mood. It's important to take time to stretch at least once a day, 10-15 minutes is all it takes. Determine your triggers. When you've lost control of your emotions, it's hard to remember the times when you didn't. If you have trouble keeping your cool in specific situations, take a few minutes to write about what causes your emotions to shift out of control. Maybe it's a coworker that pushes your buttons and stirs up your emotions, or maybe it's the hectic commute to work that stresses you out. Is anything at home? Take note of these times your emotions got the better of you. Knowing the moments when your emotions shift will help you know what to do to minimize uncontrolled responses in those situations, you will be more prepared for the future and you will keep your distress under control. Keep your ego under control. Many strong negative emotions are the result of a fragile ego. The reason why so many strong negative emotions are the result of a fragile ego is because it is hard to handle when our pride gets hurt. Most people deal with this problem in different ways. Some people react by lashing out. Some people bottle it up inside and deal with it later. Other people distract themselves with something else. One way or another, though, we all have to deal with the consequences of a fragile ego. When you realize that, you can start to make a conscious effort to shore up and reinforce your ego with positive affirmations. You can train yourself to be able to deal with the ups and downs of life and be able to accept criticism. Meditate. Meditation lessons are an excellent and powerful way to learn how to deal with your thoughts and emotions in a more productive way. When you meditate, you learn how to sit quietly and simply observe one thought, without judging it or reacting to it. By doing this, you learn to ignore the thoughts that are not important. Meditation teaches you that your thoughts and emotions are fleeting things that largely come and go and that you can choose your reaction to them.You can learn to choose a more positive response to your thoughts and emotions. Meditating can be a very relaxing hobby that many people enjoy as well. I hope you do it more often! Get enough sleep. You’ve noticed how a tired toddler is always on an emotional knife edge. Turns out, adults are not immune to this phenomenon. It can be difficult to stay in good spirits when you're sleep-deprived. While it might seem like adults don't need to sleep as much as children, they actually do need to sleep for at least seven to eight hours every night to keep their minds sharp and emotionally stable. When you don't get your usual amount of sleep, it can cause you to be irritable and angry. You could even snap at someone over the smallest issue. It's for this reason that it's a good idea to make sure that you get enough sleep each night. Change your thoughts. Remember those times when just thinking about a certain unpleasant something upsets you and changes your mood? You can also make yourself feel better by changing your thoughts. Our thoughts have the power to evoke emotions in us. Not only can you control your thoughts, you can also control your feelings and emotions. If you're feeling negative emotions like sadness or anger, it's easy to think negatively. When you notice a thought like "I don't like my life" or "Life is too hard", you can change your thoughts to "I like my life" or "Life is great" and your emotions will follow suit. You can also use your thoughts to create positive emotions like joy or excitement. The next time you feel stressed or angry, take a few minutes and use your thoughts to feel better. Pause. Think of all the trouble you would’ve saved yourself over the years if you had just taken a moment to breathe and relax. When you’re feeling overly emotional, take time to collect yourself before you speak or take an action you might regret. It can be easy to act on your emotions without taking time to step back and think of the consequences. You might do or say something you regret or let people know how you’re feeling. When you stop to breathe and relax, you can gain a clearer head and think more rationally. This can also help you think of consequences and whether it’s worth it to go down a certain path. Be solution oriented. Emotions run higher when you focus on the problem. It's always so easy to get caught up in the problem. When something goes wrong, we tend to feel like the problem is constantly on our minds and it gets harder to focus on anything else. This is what happens when you focus on the problem. However, if you direct your attention to the solution, you'll be less likely to stress out about things. Not only will you calm yourself down, but you'll also be able to come up with a solution and in the end, you'll feel better. If you keep practicing this technique, your stress levels will go down over time. Look within and analyse your emotions. When emotions are out of control it is usually a good time to ask yourself the not so easy questions, such as; what is the real source of the emotion? You might be thinking that the situation is a big deal, but really it's not. Maybe your feelings on the subject are based on something that happened to you in the past and you are acting from an unprocessed emotion. Maybe you're feeling upset because of something that you did, but there's no need to feel guilty. It's important to remember that you're human, and sometimes, our reactions may be a result of us not thinking clearly. Always remember to be respectful of another person's thoughts and opinions. Keep track of your past emotional outbursts. To prevent yourself from slipping out of control, occasionally remind yourself of the pain you’ve caused yourself and others in the past by losing control of your emotions. This will help stop you from doing it again in the future. Digging up our own past dirt is difficult and embarrassing, however, this is an important exercise because the full consequence of our actions is only clear in retrospect. If anger is a problem for you, remind yourself occasionally that you have caused yourself and others pain in the past by losing control of your emotions. Use this as motivation to do better and prevent another problem from happening. If your anger is related to someone else, you should look for ways to solve that person's problem or go through different strategies and try to work things out. Whenever you feel anger starting to build, try to solve whatever it is that is making you angry. If you can’t solve the problem right away, try to distract yourself by listening to music, watching TV, or going for a walk. Don't forget to tell the people around you that you're trying to do better and ask them for support. Focus on your breathing. In a lot of cases, you may feel like your emotions get the best of you. When you are feeling a strong emotion, you get sucked into the thoughts going through your mind. If you want to regain your composure, you need to direct your attention to something outside yourself. Breathing is a great way to do that! Breathing is something that your body does on it's own. It's a physical action that you can control. Using your breath to connect to yourself can help you become calmer, and this can help you regain your composure. So much of our behavior is driven by our emotions, and yet we are often completely unaware of what is causing our emotions to change. Our emotions can lead us to feel stressed and frustrated, and this can affect how we interact with others and how we feel about ourselves. Maintaining control of your emotions is vital in living a more peaceful and happy life. If you have control over your emotions, you have more control over your life. Which of these tips are you going to start with? Take the first and share with us!